How To Tell If Someone Is Staring At You: And What To Do If You Stare.
First we must not overlook the obvious. If you whirl about real fast, and some asshole is staring at you, then it is reasonable to assume that they are staring at you.
Sometimes however, it is not so obvious, then you must look for the subtle signs.
1: You get the sensation of beady little eyes boring into the back of your head like a red hot poker.
Before you assume that you are being stared at thou, make sure that it’s not someone actually stabbing you in the head with a poker.
2: You turn around quickly, and the volume of the conversation at the table behind you raises twenty octaves. ( SOOO MARY, ERRR, SO THEN WHAT HAPPENED AFTER YOU DROPPED THE CAN OF TUNA ON YOUR FOOT!!)
3: You look up from your book to see that the guy across from you has suddenly become transfixed with the logo on his Starbucks cup.
4: You snap out of a deep daydream and realize that you have been simultaneously drooling, and singing the theme song from the Smurfs cartoon, but no one else in the crowded bank line looks the least bit interested in you. WRONG!! When you do something absentmindedly embarrassing and NOBODY appears to have noticed, it’s a good bet that until a second ago, everyone was staring like hell.
No one likes to be caught staring, but every one does it, and it’s a good bet that you will to. So what do you do if you get caught??
My usual approach when caught staring, is to make a lunge for the nearest object, and bash myself in the face with it, thus rendering myself unconscious, and avoiding an explanation. But there are also other ways of handling it. Such as, screaming at the person: I WASN’T FUCKING STARING OK!! GOD! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM!! Or you can pretend to be retarded, this works great!! The person you were starring at usually gives you a nice big smile and goes back to what they were doing. I use this approach when ever I feel the uncontainable urge to stare at a strange woman’s breasts. But pick the option that seems right for you and you’ll make out all right…………..good luck!!!
