A day in the life under the bridge.
People tend to think that just because I live under a bridge, I must be lazy. but not so, this is my typical day.
6:00 Traffic noise on the bridge above becomes to loud to permit further sleep.
6:30 unable to fall back asleep after half an hour of sticking my fingers in my ears, and squeezing my eyes shut aginst the morning sun beam that stays directly in my face despite fierce thrashing, I roll from my ratty blanket and scrach flea bites for an hour.
7:30 Go in serch of a newt with wich to brush my teeth.
8:00 Make my morning bath in Bear Creek more interesting, by shouting " glub glub I'm drowning" to see how menny passing joggers I can fool into jumping in after me.
9:00 Go out in search of breakfast.
9:30 Cook and eat unidentifiable remains of some rodent to slow to make it safely across the highway.
10:30 Grab a hammer and nails, and post ( Beware of Great Crested Grass Weasel ) signs in the local park until noon.
12:00 Fish for lunch from the roof of Pablo's Out Door Buffet.
1:00 Stick leaves and twiggs in my hair, and loudly reenact my favorite senes from Shakespears Mid Summer Nights Dream, at the corner of G.st and Olive Ave.
3:00 Evade and escape from the bad men in the white uniforms who are trying to catch me with an oversized butterfly net.
Get roaring drunk on the bottle of Schnapps I found in the bushes wile hiding from the bad men.
5:00 Stagger down main street swatting girls on their bottoms with a Badminton racquet.
6:00 Evade and escape from the bad me who are trying to put me in handcuffs.
8:00 Crawl back under my bridge to sleep it off.
So there you have it, I cannot be called lazy. Highly unproductive mabey, but not lazy.
6:00 Traffic noise on the bridge above becomes to loud to permit further sleep.
6:30 unable to fall back asleep after half an hour of sticking my fingers in my ears, and squeezing my eyes shut aginst the morning sun beam that stays directly in my face despite fierce thrashing, I roll from my ratty blanket and scrach flea bites for an hour.
7:30 Go in serch of a newt with wich to brush my teeth.
8:00 Make my morning bath in Bear Creek more interesting, by shouting " glub glub I'm drowning" to see how menny passing joggers I can fool into jumping in after me.
9:00 Go out in search of breakfast.
9:30 Cook and eat unidentifiable remains of some rodent to slow to make it safely across the highway.
10:30 Grab a hammer and nails, and post ( Beware of Great Crested Grass Weasel ) signs in the local park until noon.
12:00 Fish for lunch from the roof of Pablo's Out Door Buffet.
1:00 Stick leaves and twiggs in my hair, and loudly reenact my favorite senes from Shakespears Mid Summer Nights Dream, at the corner of G.st and Olive Ave.
3:00 Evade and escape from the bad men in the white uniforms who are trying to catch me with an oversized butterfly net.
Get roaring drunk on the bottle of Schnapps I found in the bushes wile hiding from the bad men.
5:00 Stagger down main street swatting girls on their bottoms with a Badminton racquet.
6:00 Evade and escape from the bad me who are trying to put me in handcuffs.
8:00 Crawl back under my bridge to sleep it off.
So there you have it, I cannot be called lazy. Highly unproductive mabey, but not lazy.
posted by Cad Grublygold at 3:00 PM
4 Comments:
I thought only out-of-work illustrators lived under bridges. I'm glad they're not alone.
Do you get wi-fi internet there? Or do you go to the local internet cafe to do your posts?
I'm sur' Cad gots the same ISP as I have. Bes' not ask ta' many questions 'bout it.
"If something is running at you, run away. If something is running away, chase it down."
#9 of Cad Grublygold's Urban & Suburban Survival Guide
There is a genius here, so elegant in its complex simplicity that Latigo Flint could barely continue reading through his tears of rapture.
Out of work illustrators would account for all the graffiti under my bridge, may haps I can get one of them to draw me a Grass Weasel for my warning signs. As for Net access, I built a 100 ft tower out of clothes hangers and discarded tinfoil, so I can blog without leaving my seedy underworld. As well, you'd be suprised at who lives under bridges, I'll have to compile a list and post it.
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