An interview with the Merced Sun Star
This interview was conducted by a reporter from the Merced Sun Star, the local paper in
If you are a faithful reader of my blog, you have no doubt heard mention of this beast. The purpose of this post is to shed further light on this subject. Here is the interview, and the answers, as best I can give them.
Sun Star: So just what the hell is a Grass Weasel ?
Cad G: A Grass Weasel is a large rodent of the weasel family, but possessing many highly evolved traits.
Sun Star: Where do they live ?
Cad. G The historical extent of their range may never be known. As of this interview, they inhabit only a five mile 200 yard wide stretch of Bear Creek in
Sun Star: Why have I never heard of them ?
Cad. G: Due to their astoundingly small range, Between G. and R. streets in
Sun Star: How many are there ?
Cad. G Thousands.
Sun Star: How is this possible ?
Cad. G They can imitate mundane objects, like highway cones, and discarded shopping carts.
Sun Star: How big are they ?
Cad. G About 70 pounds of fang and muscle, and two and one half feet tall at the shoulder.
Sun Star: How can a two an a half foot tall rodent drag down and kill a healthy Adult ?
Cad. G: Don’t ask me, smart ass, why don’t you go tease one and find out.
Sun Star: Why are there no studies done on them.
Cad. G Studying this thing in the field would be ludicrously dangerous; I’d rather swim up an Alaskan stream and study Grizzly bears in a salmon costume. To my credit though, I did attempt to study them once.
Sun Star: What happened ?
Cad. G A Grass Weasel ate my pens paper and field glasses while my back was turned.
Sun Star. So have you ever seen one ?
Cad. G; A Grizzly Bear ?
Sun Star: No ( sigh ) a Grass Weasel, have you ever seen one of those.
Cad. G Yesss…….maybe….look I saw something ok, I’ll admit I may have been slightly drunk at the time, but it sure as hell looked like a Grass Weasel.
Sun Star: So Who died and made you the expert on something you claim to have only seen once in a drunken stupor ?
Cad. G Hey fuck you man! I saw it ok jackass, they are real. A secret society dressed as shrubs and rubbish bins drag off the bodies of weasel victims every night.
Sun Star: Soooo Mr. Grublygold, how many years did you spend locked up at
Cad. G Fuck you asshole. Just go take a big flying porcupine fuck off this here bridge you dick head, this interview is over.
posted by Cad Grublygold at 8:00 PM
6 Comments:
Oh God does Latigo Flint hope that in year or so the Sun Star reporter's wife nags him to take up jogging, and forgetfully he decides to jog along Bear Creek between G and R streets.
He'll believe then - when 70 pounds of bone crushing fangyness and rippling muscle of the Great Crested Grass Weasel brutally savages him, he'll believe. And then the shrubs will come for his corpse.
Cad! For the love o' God man! How do I protect maself frum this Weasel thing?!
Sorry Gil, there is no sure protection from such a beast. I am however developing a repellent, I'm keeping it a secret for now, but it envolves mixing lots of alcoholic products togeather.
Never you fear Gil, I'm working on Weasel repellent, I can't specify as of yet, but it involves mixing lots of Alcohol togeather, then drinking The whole concoction before leaving your house. Soon as it’s perfected I’ll put it on the market, trouble is when I get to the testing stage, I keep passing out before I can get into Weasel country.
Never you fear Gil, I'm working on Weasel repellent, I can't specify as of yet, but it involves mixing lots of Alcohol togeather, then drinking The whole concoction before leaving your house. Soon as it’s perfected I’ll put it on the market, trouble is when I get to the testing stage, I keep passing out before I can get into Weasel country.
If My post comments are duplicated, it is not due to this pathetic blogers over eagerness at having his post comented on, it is simply that my computer is a @!%**&# and enjoys making Cad look like a fool by overduplicating all his comments.
Post a Comment
<< Home