A week in review

To all the readers of my blog, I Cad Grublygold must deeply apologize for the lack of posting lately. My internet connection has been on the fritz as of late. It seems that a rare Bear Creek beaver mistook my hundred foot receiving tower made from tinfoil and clothes hangers for a large tree, and gnawed it down. Upon realizing his mistake he attempted to fix it, but he couldn’t complete the wiring, but hey after all he is only a beaver, and he tried his best. But worry not about missing anything due to this problem, for I have prepared a week in review.

The rain has yet to let up, having run out of sand bags I’ve resorted to stacking all the drowned children that come floating by like cord wood to protect my seedy underworld from flood damage. The poor little children are just such suckers for a muddy creek bank.

My attempt to tunnel under Taco Bell has failed, I was not aware at the time that high tension wires can be buried. I thought they were always run above ground. My hair is growing back nicely however, and PG&E is certain that the power will be fully restored to most of the city by tomorrow.

Sponges are not effective for plugging leaks in a sand bag wall, if you had enough maybe, but you’d need more than a family pack from Costco, trust me on this one.

I was informed last Monday, that there is a city ordinance in Merced prohibiting someone from dressing up like a giant lobster and scuttling towards people aggressively out side the local Long John Silvers resurant. I was not aware of this, but a delegation from the mayor’s office visited me at the sheriff’s station and assured me that it is so.

I finally struck it rich while digging for gold in the local park, I found a gold nugget! It was roundish with a large hole in the middle. The local jewelry store owner however attempted to tell me it was most likely from a box of Cracker Jacks, not a nugget at all, but a cheap plastic ring!! He lies, I bet he could hardly contain his greed as he examined it; he even tossed it into the trash can beside the counter, no doubt hoping to fool me into giving it up HA!! Not likely shop keep, I have taken to walking backwards around town incase he tries to follow me to see where I dug it up. It’s kinda hard to follow someone who is walking backwards. You would have to stay in front of them, but then you wouldn’t know where they were going.

My non profit organization: Guide Porcupines For The Blind has hit a snag; I am having trouble collecting donations, no doubt due to all the publicity being given to the tsunami efforts. Hopefully once the situation in South Asia settles down abit, I can launch my program that partners criminally abused porcupines with loving blind owners who are in need of companionship. As this will no doubt be a howling success, I plan also to expand my foundation to include retarded children and sexually abused stingrays.

I shall continue my efforts towards reestablishing internet access, but in the meantime just be patient, and I will continue to post sporadically, when ever I can fool someone into leaving their computer by making crow caw noises in the next room, giving me time to publish my posts.