Rejection Hurts

City License Dept.

City Of Merced.

Dear Mr. Grublygold. We are writing to inform you that your request for a license concerning your latest proposal, Wolverines for Widows, has been rejected.
We do recognize that Widows can be lonely and may indeed require companionship. However it is our opinion that perhaps a Wolverine is not the animal to provide this.

The City of Merced prides it’s self as being on the cutting edge of bisness enhancement, and this City has a long history of opening it’s doors to all business owners, but in considering your latest license we were forced to look at your past enterprises.
We are sure that you’re Porcupines for the Blind foundation was meant to be in the best interests of its participants, but ultimately resulted in three costly lawsuits, and a black eye on the face of this department. Despite this we here at the City License Dept. were willing to forget this mishap and grant you a permit for your short lived Rotwilers for Retards therapy effort. Though we understand the outcome of the wrongful death suit is still pending regarding your latest tragedy, we are never the less leery of any further dealings with you or any business offer you may in the future put before this committee.
We at the City License Dept. are well aware of the needs of the small business man in today’s changing economy, and do not wish to appear unsympathetic. But frankly your record of introducing wild animals to the general public has been abysmal.

Here in Merced there are many great opportunities for wealth and happiness. Have you for instance considered hot dog vending? This town would very much appreciate someone like you opening a stand in one of our fine local parks.

It’s not that we don’t like you Mr. Grublygold, and despite our many attempts to have you arrested, we here at the City License Dept. remain on your side, and on the side of all small business owners. BUT HONESTLY!!! Do you really expect us to write you an open ended check for disaster!!! Drop the animal theme Grublygold!!
Should you in the future decide that hot dog or pretzel vending is for you, please do not hesitate to re apply for a license, and we will do our best to accommodate you. In the mean time sir, please stop sending us proposals regarding dangerous animals and the handicapped.

As well as rejecting your Wolverines for Widows project. We have also voted to reject the following ideas.

Asps for Asthmatics.

Anacondas for Amputees.

Narwhals for Newborns

Chainsaws for the Physically Challenged.

Please do not resubmit any of these or other similar projects, for they will not even elicit a response.

Sincerely Greg Boswald.

City of Merced Division of Business Management.