The Girl Decoys.

The other day while dumpster diving, I came across an issue of Field and Stream. That I found an old magazine is unremarkable, but leafing through it gave me an idea. It seems that you can take a bunch of wooden ducks, paint them up, then toss them into a pond and they would attract the real thing. Huh…..how bout that….Wonder if it would work on women. I live under a bridge you see, and amazingly that is not considered sexy. Nor is the fact that I reek of alcohol…… so much for women wanting rugged out door bad boy types. But despite my obvious short falls, I was sure that if I could just get close enough to a woman, she would see me for the gentle soul that I am, and fall instantly under my spell. So it was that I decided to go hunting. Cashing in my aluminum cans, I took the money and headed down to Stan’s Love Boutique, and purchased a half dozen inflatable dolls. My plan was fool proof! I would take my ( girlfriends) to the local park, then arrange them in such a way as if to look like we were having a merry picnic, when a hottie babe came walking by, she upon seeing the gaiety would be compelled to join in, soon I would attract a flock and could simply take my pick. With my trap set beside a busy bike path, I began to talk in a loud boisterous tone, happily pretending to pass various nonexistent dishes back and forth between my gaily clad decoys, now and then using a high squeaky voice for my girls. And when ever someone came with in ear shot, I would loudly boast of my many exploits. “Why yes Janet, I have climbed Everest, twice actually. One time it got so cold I cut open my Sherpa and crawled inside him to stay alive. More crumpets Sally? “What’s that Suzie? Vegas, heck I own it, yup bought it off a crazy miner back in 82. Pass the yogurt Kate. “You’re damn right Becky, I forced that lion to regurgitate my leg, and I beat him to death with it before using his whiskers to sew it back on”. After an hour and a half of this and three location changes, (the local cops began to take an unhealthy interest in my proceedings) I was beginning to despair. And then I saw her. Like a ground squirrel caught in the gaze of a snake she drew closer, captured by her curiosity. Oh she was a lovely creature, willowy and shy, the very image of Venus her self. And just how close she might have come I’ll never know, for as she drifted ever closer, I became more animated in my story of how I killed those man eating baboons in the African jungle. And alas while executing a fierce saber thrust, Sally was poked in the eye with my fruit fork. The ruptured decoy let out a loud Thhhhppppthhh sound and shot up into the air, upon seeing this grizzly turn of events, the willowy girl came to her senses and bolted, I leapt up to give chase, but in my haste I stepped on Becky’s leg, causing her head to spring upright, her hard plastic sucking orifice connecting squarely with my genitals.

Under my dark musty bridge I lay in agony. Saddened by my lost love, dreaming as to what might have been. Becky however was apologetic for ruining my chances, and Sally having been re glued was on the road to a full recovery……… It was Becky who came to my bed that night, quietly slipping under the covers, talking to me in her high squeaky voice, in the dark; vinyl coating turned to warm skin, and our bodies became as one.