Early One Morning

Early one morning there is a knock on the door to my seedy underworld beneath the Gst bridge.

(Cad) Grumpfullgwahuh? (Girl) Hello….OH jeez sorry I’ll wait till you are dressed! (Cad) Mph, naw I’m dressed. (Girl) Uh ok,….um, are you wearing an opossum as underpants? (Cad) Yeah, my cat pair are in the wash, what do you want? (Girl) I’m doing a survey for the city regarding the homeless problem. (Cad) What problem? (Girl) Well Merced county has the highest unemployment rate in the country and…….ummm….are you playing footsie with me? (Cad) errrrr mabey, does it feel good? (Girl) No, please stop. I need to ask you some questions regarding your homelessness and…. (Cad) I’m not homeless, I live under a bridge. (Girl) Well yes but… (Cad) But what, it’s not good enough for you? Excuse me for fucking breathing lady, oooh tut tut I’m sooo high and mighty because I live in a house, and youuuuu live under a bridge! Don’t make me sic my raccoon on you lady! (Girl) Hey look we got off on the wrong foot, my name is Nancy. (Cad) pleased to meet you Nancy, I’m Lord Snoozewald the Third. (Girl) uh yeah, are you aware sir….(Cad) Lord Snoozewald!!
(Girl) Um ok Lord Snoozewald are you aware that the city provides free alcohol and drug programs aimed at helping those umm…. who might not be in a position to attend otherwise, in the hope that the homeless can be rehabilitated and eventually get jobs? (Cad) What the hell makes you assume that I have any problems huh? What just because I live like this it automatically makes me trash!! Don’t fucking stereotype me bitch. (Girl) Ooookay….. I just couldn’t help noticing that you have a mural on the wall behind you depicting a drunken train dodge incident. (Cad) Yeah, I made it using over a thousand empty schnapps bottles. (Girl) Yeah and then I also noticed that you use a brick of pure black tar heroin as a pillow…… (Cad) Oh…….yeah…..that old thing….errrrr…..
(Girl) Look just know that help is out there should you need it ok. (Cad) Yep. (Girl) You’ll never go to the meetings will you. (Cad) Nope. (Girl) Christ, it’s free damnit! (Cad) So? (Girl) Good god, why the fuck can’t you guys just clean the fuck up, start living like humans and quit costing the hardworking taxpayers like me billions of dollars!! I mean shit!! Is it that hard huh?? Is it you dumb jerk!! Is it to much to ask to not have to wade through you guys every time I want to go down town for coffee!!!! IS IT YOU @$$*&%$**#!!!!!!!.....gasp…..gasp…….uh…..can I get a drink of that whisky? (Cad) sure. (Girl) Ummmm…….you going to snort that? (Cad) No, be my guest………

Another one falls to the siren song of the seedy underworld……….