The Hobo Bartenders Guide

How to party for under ten dollars. The following is a guide for making popular Hobo and homeless drinks. Hobos and Homeless for years have been experts at making highly toxic, and exotically unique drinks. And most important of all these drinks are cheap!! So drink up and enjoy.

The Hobo Bartenders Guide.

Recycle Punch:
All those cans and bottles you collect for cash contain a veritable gold mine of liquor products. Poor all bottles and cans into one big mug and enjoy.

Sex In A Dumpster:
Take a big bottle of the cheapest whisky on the shelf, add one bar of Lava brand soap. (it’s the smelly green one) poor the whisky into an empty unwashed bleach container. Shave the soap in with the whisky and shake thoroly. Serve at room temperature.
(If there is still a bit of bleach in the bottom of the bottle this only enhances the flavor)

The Wiffle Bat In The Genitals:
Poor the brackish water and juice from the bottom of an outside trash can into a black plastic trash bag. Add a bottle of Spanish Fly, and let it sit in the hot sun for one to two hours. Strain into an old MacDonald’s cup and enjoy.

(This drink should not be taken lightly, if properly made it may cause sudden death)

The Widow Maker:
(One of my personal favorites) Poor one gallon of two month old milk into a half empty gas can and let the fun begin.

(I would not recommend smoking around this drink)

The F Word:
Take one six pack of Gila monster beer, (the cheapest beer ever) and dump it into a large pot. Spray one whole can of Pam cooking spray into the mix. Add a bottle of rubbing alcohol and serve chilled.

The Minty Fresh:
Take one bottle Nyquil, poor into medium sized tumbler and add Vodka to taste. Shake like hell before serving, and remember to swoosh it around in your mouth before swallowing.

The Weapon Of Mass Destruction:
Poor one glass of bleach, one glass of pure ammonia, and one glass of chlorine into a large mug. (shaking not recommended) boil and serve steaming hot.

(Chances are the fumes from this drink will kill you long before you get a chance to drink it. But if it does make it to your lips wile they are still attached to a living body, then hold on to your hobo hat because you are in for a real treat!!)

Pink Bats In The Rafters:
Mix Two cups of Drano Liquid Plummer with One scoop of Tide laundry detergent. Add one bottle of cheap tequila, and a pint of cooking brandy. Serve warm for best taste.

(the pack of pink lions you see running towards you across the park is probably due to the potency of the drink. Just to be on the safe side however, you may want to take your clothes off and run out into traffic to confuse them.)

Cad’s Big Sweaty Feet On A Hot Summer Day:
This drink was named after me, and is a must for all trash fire parties.
Toss one glass of tobacco spit, two onions, a bottle of peppermint schnapps, and one nasty old sock into a large blender and set it for puree. Poor into glasses, and warm them in your arm pits before serving.

(The nastier the sock, the better the taste.)

The Great Crested Grass Weasel:
To make this drink you must simply combine all the ingredients in this guide into a huge pot, bury it under fresh compost for two weeks, dig it up and enjoy. Good for large pot lucks and all special occasions.

(To the best of my knowledge making this drink has only been attempted once, and the resulting explosion wiped out half the population of the town of Snelling. Sadly then I can only wonder at the taste or side affects of such an amazing drink, as the one hobo genius who tried it was instantly vaporized upon the drinks contact with his lips, taking with him three square miles of wildlife and vegetation.)