Cad’s Tips For Getting People To Really Notice You, While Pretending Like Hell Not To.

1: Bring a large Yam into a crowded Applebee’s restaurant, lay it on the table in front of the cashier, then start shrieking at it. Works like a charm.

2: Approach people on the street, get right up in their face and scream, “STOP NOTICING ME!!!”
They sure as hell will notice you then, no matter how hard they pretend not to.

3: Glue a gigantic bottle of catsup to the top of your head. It’s simple but effective.

4: Grow a humongous mustache, then wax the hell out of the thing until it sticks out twenty feet from both sides of your nose. If for some strange reason this does not get you secretly noticed. Then accidentally on purpose stick the tip of it into some guys ear as he walks by.

5: Pull out your cell phone in a crowded bank line, pretend to dial a number, then shout
“DON’T HANG UP” into it over and over. It usually takes ten or more times before people really start to pretend not to notice you.

6: Bring a photo of your girlfriend on to a city bus.
( If like me you don’t have one, any photo will do)
Stare at the photo and alternate between crying hysterically and laughing maniacally until you are asked to leave by the bus driver. As you walk down the isle towards the door I guarantee everyone on that bus will be trying so hard to pretend not to notice you, they’ll all have brain aneurisms.

7: Walk into a crowded Vetinary Hospital, pee on the floor of the waiting room, then start beating yourself with a rolled up newspaper while yelling “BAD” Even the fucking hamsters will pretend not to notice you!


You may be wondering at this point how I know so much about this subject…………lets just say there isn’t a whole lot else to do in this town.