Yet another week in review

Yet another week in review.

Good day all, my internet is still giving me problems, ever since that giant beaver gnawed down my receiving tower. I am however working on plans to send my own satellite into space which would provide for all my bloging needs, as well as serve as a dooms day weapon should I ever feel the need to use it. While grubbing for gold one day, I came across a large bomb. Most likely lost from the near by Castle Air Force Base. By detonating this bomb, I should be able to easily send a home made internet receiver / laser killobeam in to the stratosphere. The problem though is that it is hard to make a hundred foot blast crater look like an accident. Not to mention all that down wind fallout stuff. I have been advertising my bomb in the local terrorism newspapers though, and hopefully I can entice a hidden terror cell to use my bomb to blow something or other up, and send my receiver into space at the same time. Until then though, here is yet another week in review.

I started an organization on Monday, called the North American Modern Bridge Living Association, or NAMBLA, then posted flyers all over town, for a getting to know you sleep over for all members under my bridge. I was at the time not aware that there is another Association with that same name, The North American Man Boy Love Association………..yeah……it was bad……..Half the people who showed up that night were Man Boy Love members, the other half came armed with torches pitchforks and shotguns. The National Guard eventually got things under control, but three Man Boy Love supporters were killed, and one small Boyish looking Guardsman was anally violated in the melee. I am once again lying low, leaving my bridge only in the black of night wearing funny nose glasses to hide my identity until things settle down.

As if the NAMBLA fiasco was not enough, While making shadow puppets with my hands under a street light one night. I inadvertently insulted the local deaf biker gang. Who new that making a shadow dog urinate, spells out “Hey you deaf gay wad, last night I rode your mom like a Harley” in sign language. I escaped by hiding in a wind chime display out side the Home Depot. Lucky for me they were deaf………see……because wind chimes are all noisy an stuff………….

The Nike commercial a few years ago was spot on. Joggers really do hate it when you run behind them with a boom box blasting the song Eye of the Tiger. In the commercial however, the guy only gets pushed to the ground, then helped back up. This is not in keeping with reality. The reality is that you’ll wind up sitting in a creek wearing your boom box on your head like a sombrero.

In honor of the upcoming Star Wars movie, a blanket and a welding mask makes a passable Bobafett costume. However, he must have had some trick for seeing through his dark faceplate. Because I couldn’t see jack when I dodged into traffic on my land speeder

( mountain bike )…………I wonder if Bobafett ever caused an accident by zooming into traffic on his speeder?......... I wonder if that large irate driver who swerved to avoid me and hit the light pole could recognize me without my costume on…………..

A Booby really is a type of bird, and I really did see one in Bear Creek the other day while walking with the local bird watchers club. It was just bad luck I guess that right as I spotted one, a large breasted girl and her bulldog boyfriend stepped out from behind a tree and passed in front of it. I must have looked awfully rude staring through my binoculars, pointing and shouting HEY!!!! I SEE A BOOBY…….. HEY GUYS A BOOBY……. NO WAIT…..TWO!! I SEE TWO BOOBYS!! DAMN WHAT A PAIR OF BOOBYS THEY ARE!!! It was nice of the bird club president to step up and try to explain the matter…….. in my opinion he so didn’t deserve to have his field guide shoved up his nose.