Cad's King Kong Movie Reviue.
The other night I snuck into the theater to see the remake of King Kong. I don’t mind a remake, as long as it is done correctly. This remake I had issues with.
For one thing it was way to long. If you shave before going to see a film, you should not have a friggin beard when you come out of the theater!! I so did not need the life story of the girl. I was so relived when she finally got on board the damn ship I nearly wet myself, finally we are getting somewhere!. You already know she is going to go!! For gods sake man just get on with it.
I did not need to know that Jack Black was crooked and destitute to make it plausible that he would bring Kong back, It’s a thirty foot fucking ape!! Of course he’s going to capture it!! Mother Teresa would have done that! I had no problem with Kong killing stuff, that’s what he did in the original film. I did not however need to watch a thirty minuet battle between the rescuers and a pack of crickets. Stick to the original script Mr. Jackson!! I felt I was watching the Battle For Helms Deep all over again, except this time one side had guns, and the other side was a bunch of fucking crickets. All was ok after that. They capture him and bring him back, la de da, he escapes, oh no!! Arrrgh run man!! I was just starting to feel that the movie was worth braining the ticket collector and sneaking into the theater, and then the girl and the big monkey meet in Central Park!! Weeeeeee the monkey discovers ice for the first time!! Oh soooo cute!! Just like Thumper in Bambi!! Awww how cute, and oh the girl so looooves the monkey………..
I don’t know what happened right after that, because I jerked my knee up into my face, and woke up with a bloody nose about the time that Kong was climbing the building. I had no issues with the rest of the film, The monkey dies as he did in the original, too bad so sad.
Peter Jackson is a damn good director when it comes to epics, but after this movie it would seem that that’s all he can make. He tried way to hard to turn this film into a huge sweeping tale of love greed and heartache, when all he needed to do was follow the original script and enhance the effects, and he would have had a very good movie.
For one thing it was way to long. If you shave before going to see a film, you should not have a friggin beard when you come out of the theater!! I so did not need the life story of the girl. I was so relived when she finally got on board the damn ship I nearly wet myself, finally we are getting somewhere!. You already know she is going to go!! For gods sake man just get on with it.
I did not need to know that Jack Black was crooked and destitute to make it plausible that he would bring Kong back, It’s a thirty foot fucking ape!! Of course he’s going to capture it!! Mother Teresa would have done that! I had no problem with Kong killing stuff, that’s what he did in the original film. I did not however need to watch a thirty minuet battle between the rescuers and a pack of crickets. Stick to the original script Mr. Jackson!! I felt I was watching the Battle For Helms Deep all over again, except this time one side had guns, and the other side was a bunch of fucking crickets. All was ok after that. They capture him and bring him back, la de da, he escapes, oh no!! Arrrgh run man!! I was just starting to feel that the movie was worth braining the ticket collector and sneaking into the theater, and then the girl and the big monkey meet in Central Park!! Weeeeeee the monkey discovers ice for the first time!! Oh soooo cute!! Just like Thumper in Bambi!! Awww how cute, and oh the girl so looooves the monkey………..
I don’t know what happened right after that, because I jerked my knee up into my face, and woke up with a bloody nose about the time that Kong was climbing the building. I had no issues with the rest of the film, The monkey dies as he did in the original, too bad so sad.
Peter Jackson is a damn good director when it comes to epics, but after this movie it would seem that that’s all he can make. He tried way to hard to turn this film into a huge sweeping tale of love greed and heartache, when all he needed to do was follow the original script and enhance the effects, and he would have had a very good movie.
posted by Cad Grublygold at 1:07 PM
2 Comments:
This is probably the greatest thing I have ever read.
(And I liked King Kong a lot you asshole--that's how mighty this Reviue was.)
I tried to think of something funny to say about giant fucking monkeys but it was strangely difficult.
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